As over three years has now passed since the death of my husband from cancer; I feel ready to share some Haiku poetry that I wrote during the time from his initial diagnosis to his death. Maybe my experiences will chime with yours, and maybe not. They are offered in the hopes of allowing a window into a particular grief experience with a recognition that everyone journeys differently.
I
hear kindly, grave
Eyes;
too many nursing staff.
You
just hear their words.
I
want to go home.
If
home is where the heart is
I’m
a refugee.
It’s
at times like these
That
I must fully feel the
Weight
in the waiting.
The
long goodbye I
Longed
for now seems almost too
Long
and not so good.
Difficult
question
Seems
easy to answer for
You;
Why am I stung?
Still
rain falls, and the
Ground
under my feet has shifted
Since
yesterday.
Each
day brings its own
Uncertainty
held in an
Ultimate
certainty.
Waiting
to become
A
widow; unlike our wedding
The
date is not fixed.
You
say you found it
Beautifully
sad; but this is life
And
death, not Broadway.
Sitting
in the car
Watching
the rain fall, am I
Brave
enough today?
In
endless hugs and
Smiles
I strive to repair my
Fractured,
fragile world.
I
sleep and my mind
Works
nimbly, sorting data.
Buried
files emerge.
You’re
not here. ‘Maybe
Somewhere
very deep’ they say.
I
say ‘You’ve already left’.
And
so I can’t stay.
Why
would I gaze on the
Caterpillar
now?
Yet
where have you gone?
The
chessboard still shows the
Stalemate that refused defeat.
